Help Me
by spn22
Summary: A hunt for the brothers goes wrong- and is set to shift the Winchester's way of living forever.
1. I can't feel my legs

_A hunt gone wrong is set to change Sam's life forever..._

 _I do not own Supernatural_

 _Reviews make me :)_

* * *

Sam lay in Dean's arms... a dead weight.

"Hey Sammy, you with me?"

"S..sure. Sure."

"Good. Great buddy, you keep talking okay?"

"He... he got me, huh?"

"Yeah, Sammy. He did. I'm sorry, I..."

"Don't... don't say that"

"Yeah, well... "

"You...you get him...after? "

"No, buddy. I will do. Just... when you're better, okay?"

"The bullet... is..is it deep?"

"Na. He scratched ya. I'll patch you up."

"Yeah. Sure. So..so you called 911 for a... scratch?"

"Yeah, well. It's been a while since I saw anything apart from your ugly mug. Need me some pretty nurses, Sammy. Perfect excuse."

"Uh huh."

* * *

It had been a slip-up. A minor slip-up that had escalated all too quickly. Dean out of bullets. Sam being heroic. A shot in the lower back meant for Dean. By a fellow hunter with a grudge, no less. There was a frightening amount of blood which looked far too dark next to the white of Sam's face.

None of the details seemed to matter... not even the bastard who had run as quickly as he had shot. All that mattered was Sam. Everything else could wait.

* * *

Sam suddenly let out an involuntary scream.

"Hey, hey, hey... buddy, I got you, okay. I got you." Dean willed his hands to stop shaking.

"Oh God, it... it hurts, it hurts, oh shit..." Sam's face scrunched up in pain.

Dean grasped frantically at Sam's back. Why had the pain suddenly become so intense? Was the bullet moving? _Where the hell was the ambulance?_

"Shhhhh" Dean rocked Sam softly, trying to keep the catch out of his voice. "Shh, it's okay, you're going to be okay, I promise...you hear me, Sammy? I promise."

Sam continued to scream. Dean continued to make soothing sounds and rock his brother, one hand on the flowing bullet wound, feeling completely helpless. If he could have transferred the bullet into his own back at that minute, he would have done. It took all his strength not to cry himself and throw up the contents of his stomach.

"Sam? Sammy? Just look at me okay?"

Tears and sweat spilled down Sam's face but his eyes tried to focus on Dean's.

"That's it, that's good Sammy, really good. You hear me okay?"

Sam's teeth were chattering now and Dean could feel his little brother's body begin to jerk involuntarily. Despite it all, Sam's eyes locked on Dean, wide and frightened.

A little brother.

* * *

 _How long does a freaking ambulance take?_

Sam was jerking, he could no longer could keep eye contact with Dean and Dean wasn't even sure Sam could hear him anymore... pain had taken his brother over.

No matter how many times he saw his brother like this... the fear, the desperation... it never got any easier. Yet this time... what else could Dean do to save his brother? And would Sam forgive him if he made another deal, risked another life?

Something about this time... it seemed final.

Dean leaned forward, his mouth by Sam's ear.

"Don't you leave me, jackass, you hear? Don't you dare... don't you freaking dare."

* * *

Sam had become quiet. His body had stopped jerking and an almost peaceful expression passed over his traumatised face. He grabbed at Dean's hands.

"Dean?" a tear traced its way down Sam's face.

"Hey, hey..." Dean brushed Sam's hair out of his eyes. "You back with me?"

"Dean..."

"I'm here, Sammy. I can hear the sirens. They'll kick some morphine into ya. You'll be flying."

"Dean... I... I can't feel my legs."


	2. You better

_Thanks for the lovely reviews!_

 _Sorry for the short update- GISHWHES has been my focus this week ;)_

 _Reviews make me :)_

 _I do not own Supernatural_

* * *

Riding in the back of an ambulance...

Dad would be furious.

Never get a third party involved... too many questions, too many people...far too much unwanted attention.

Well, screw all that.

Dean had insisted, of course, in riding in the back of the ambulance with his brother.

The car?

The car could wait.

* * *

 _"Dad! He's bleeding!"_

 _"Dean. Quiet."_

 _Dean looked down at his little brother. Sam was only eight years old... and he hadn't stop crying, in between the screaming, for a full hour._

 _That said, Dean would be screaming too... he wasn't sure what it was that had bitten his little brother- but it was big and ugly... and their Dad was being far too calm, far too normal- but then it wasn't him watching Sam's blood stain his top..._

 _"Dad, please! We need to take him to hospital! He..."_

 _"And say what, Dean?" John took his eyes off the road for a second and glared at Dean. "You want to pass your brother over, is that it? Give him over to some stranger to take care of him? Ask questions? Prod him? Examine him? Scare the hell out of him? They'll take your brother away, Dean. You want that? You want that, Dean?"_

 _"No!" Dean half screamed. His eyes which had been threatening with tears quietly spilled over. "I mean...no, sir."_

 _"Good." John's voice was softer. "Good boy. That's it. Just calm down a bit- we're all going to be fine."_

 _"Yes, sir."_

 _"What's your most important job?"_

 _"Look after Sammy."_

 _"Good." John's eyes were back on the road. "That's good, Dean. Try to calm him down before we get back to the motel. That maid is already asking too many questions."_

 _Dean looked down at his brother and held him close._

 _"Hey, Sammy. Shhhh okay? Not far to go... and you can have hot chocolate okay? And whatever you want on TV"_

 _"Dean...it hurts... hurts bad!"_

 _A fresh batch of tears and Dean looked worryingly at his father and then back down at his brother._

 _"I know, buddy...but it's not bleeding much, I promise."_

 _Sam dissolved into small screams and burrowed his head into Dean's chest. John looked round, the crying of his youngest son finally too much._

 _"Hey Sam. Sammy. Wanna ride up front with Daddy. Hey? Be a big boy?"_

 _Sam mumbled something between his tears and Dean nudged him gently._

 _"Hey, Sammy. Hear that? Dad says you can ride shotgun! Be his helper! Awesome, right?! I'll lift you over, okay?"_

 _A shake of the head._

 _"Stay wid Dean. No move. Stay wid Dean."_

 _Dean looked at his father, almost apologetically... but John' eyes were already back on the road._

 _"Okay, Sammy." Dean grasped is brothers shoulder. "Sit up a second."_

 _Sam obeyed. Dean wrapped a blanket over his and Sam's shoulders. He then softly allowed Sam's head to rest back on his lap._

 _Sam's screams turned to hiccups as Dean softly stroked Dean's hair._

 _"That's a good boy, Sammy. You're being so good."_

 _"Stay wid Dean?"_

 _"Yes, buddy."_

 _"Sleep in your bed tonight, pwease? "_

 _"Okay, Sammy."_

 _"Still hurts."_

 _"I know, buddy... but you're being very, very brave"_

 _John glanced back again... a mixture of pride and guilt filled him immediately._

 _Sam may be his son... but he wasn't his boy._

 _He was Dean's. No question._

* * *

"Sir, you're going to have to wait out here."

"He's my brother, I always..."

"I'm sorry, sir. I do understand but he's in safe hands."

"But..."

"I'l take you to the waiting room. There's space for you to get some sleep, or get a warm drink..." The nurse managed to sound both sympathetic and stern.

 _He must have dealt with some dickheads in his time._

"The waiting room... okay, sure...just..."

The nurse put a brief hand on his shoulder.

"We'll look after him, sir."

"You better."

"Yes sir."

Dean nodded once and allowed himself to be led away.

* * *

 _John pretended that he didn't care that Sam cried harder when he held him..._

 _Or that the crying turned to sniffles when he passed Sam to his brother._

 _Or that it was Dean his young son's hand reached for whenever they left the house._

 _Everyone was getting what they deserved._

 _Sam was bandaged up, he had a hot chocolate in his hand and a biscuit that John didn't even know Dean had access to..._

 _God knows he hadn't bought biscuits. Or hot chocolate._

 _He watched Dean , Sam on his lap, flick through the channels of the TV, trying to find something child friendly at midnight... and he felt his eyes fill with tears._

 _"Dad?"_

 _Dean's voice was soft._

 _"Yeah, son?"_

 _"Sammy will be okay...I'll look after him."_

 _John smiled unconvincingly. "You better."_


	3. Fight

_Thank you for your lovely reviews... here is the next part for you all :)_

 _I do not own Supernatural :(_

 _Reviews make me :)_

* * *

Dean wished hospital waiting rooms had bars.

He people watched for a while. Watched them pace, sip at their crappy teas and stare at their cell phones... it took him a while to realise that people were probably watching him do the same.

Dean, so suddenly it made him exhale, realised how desperately he wanted his Dad with him.

John would be calm, rational... not that he didn't care but he would keep Dean's head straight. At the moment, all Dean could feel was guilt, the guilt that Sammy had been hurt, that his life was now in the hands of strangers...

* * *

 _"Daddy?"_

 _"Yes?"_

 _"Where's Sammy?"_

 _"I've told you. With the doctors."_

 _"But why? Why didn't you fix him like you usually do?"_

 _"Because I haven't got the tools"_

 _"What if they hurt him?"_

 _"They won't hurt him. They're going to make him better."_

 _"Promise?"_

 _"Promise."_

 _"When can I see him?"_

 _"Soon."_

 _"I'm scared."_

 _"Then sleep. Sam will be here when you wake up."_

 _..._

 _"Daddy... I can't sleep."_

 _"Then come here. On my lap, little man. Here. Pen. Paper... draw a picture for Sammy to see when he wakes up."_

* * *

Dean sighed loudly and looked at the clock. It was pointless really as he had no idea what time he and Sam had arrived... it could have been minutes, hours, hell, _days_ ago.

"Dean."

Dean turned in his seat to find Cas stood beside the door.

"Cas" in exhaustion and relief to see a familiar face, Dean fell into his friends arms.

Cas, taken aback by Dean's helplessness, held the back of Dean's jacket.

"Dean... I've seen Sam."

Dean pulled away. "You have? How is ..."

"Alive."

"Alive? Is that the best you can give me, Cas?"

"I'm sorry"

"'Cuz I gotta tell ya, Cas... that isn't filling me with joy"

"I know, I know... he's... he's fading Dean"

"Fading? What the hell do you..."

"It's almost as though he's giving up."

"But the doctors..."

"Are putting up a good fight."

"Then help them!"

"I can't."

"What do you mean you _can't_?

"This... goes beyond what I can do."

Dean walked away. Cas had been his lifeline, his last hope... now here he was, full of negatives, dead ends...

"Cas... come on, man, you must have something..."

Cas shrugged helplessly.

"I'm sorry, I am."

* * *

 _"Daddy..."_

 _"Hmm?"_

 _"Can I give this picture to Sammy now?"_

 _"Not yet, little man."_

 _"Please?"_

 _"Hey, you haven't even coloured him in. What is it... a cat?"_

 _"A dog."_

 _"Oh."_

 _"Sammy likes dogs."_

 _"Well, then he's going to love your picture."_

 _"When he wakes up?"_

 _"When he wakes up."_

* * *

Cas's words had filled Dean with nothing but the sullen feeling of waiting to be told bad news.

Hell, his life was spent living on a wing and a prayer... and if time was finally up...

"Just... please... let me in... "

"Sir! Sir, please stand aside..."

"I need to...to say..."

"Sir...only authorised doctors beyond this point"

"He needs to know... that I love him."

"What?"

"You heard. He needs to know..."

"Sir... the doctors are fighting for your brothers life- now please, before I call security- please return to the waiting room."

Dean had a maddening thought to pull out his gun. This dude was just another monster, blocking his path to his brother...

 _"They won't hurt him... they're going to make him better."_

Dean felt Cas's hand on his shoulder and allow himself to be led back to the waiting room.


	4. Not Ever

_Thank you so much for the reviews :)_

 _I hope you enjoy the update._

 _Reviews make me :)_

 _I do not own Supernatural. How I wish I did._

* * *

"Family of Sam Winchester?"

The man sat closest to the door was up in an instant. The Doctor raised her eyes for a second, clearly surprised that no other family members were present. Usually in a case this serious, the waiting room looked like a morose party, with people sat on the floor, literally leaning on each other for comfort. Yet here was this one man, looking anxiously at her, the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Mr?"

"Winchester. Dean Winchester. I'm Sam's brother. Please, is he..."

"Your brother is recovering."

"Recovering? He's... he's alive?"

"Yes."

She watched, moved but worried as the man before her ran a hand over is face, tears immediately filling his eyes.

"Oh God, thank...thank you."

"Sir, I need to talk to you before I take you through."

The sheer joy in Dean's eyes shifted, if only slightly. This guy had seen pain- serious pain- before.

"Follow me. My office is just down the hall."

* * *

The man had seemed reluctant to follow her, his eyes kept shifting... he was clearly wanting to be back on the ward. Back with his brother.

"I'll try to explain as quickly as I can." She realised that facts were the way forward with this guy. No dressing the problem up, no hand on the shoulder. Facts so he could get back to his brother.

"Mr Winchester, the bullet in your brothers back has moved in such a way that paralysis has occurred from the waist down... there is no longer pain, just... the loss of ability for your brother to move or in fact feel anything..." She continued talking but judging from the man's face, she may as well be reading the dictionary backwards.

"Per...permantly?"

"We can't be sure."

He ran a hand through his hair.

"Does he know?"

"No. Would you like to be there while we explain the details to him?"

"Details?"

She watched the man carefully, half expecting him to lash out at her wording. He was looking at her but his eyes were far away. However, he exhaled and looked at the floor.

"No. You tell him... but I'm coming in the moment after- the _second_ after. Understand?"

She did. She would deliver the news... but this man would pick up the pieces. He said that without words.

"Yes, sir. Yes I do understand."

* * *

Dean waited, his heart thumping.

 _You'll be able to speak to Sammy. Look at him in the eyes. He's alive. To hell with everything else. To hell that he'll be..._

Dean sighed deeply. Never before had he wanted so to desperately enter a room... and run away from it at the same time.

* * *

 _"Sammy!"_

 _"Dean! DEAN!"_

 _Dean gave a yell of delight and made to the leap on the bed, only for John to hold him back._

 _"Whoa, whoa. Steady on, little man. Gentle. Your brother is tired."_

 _"No I'm not!" Sam said eagerly, his arms spread wide. "I'm not!"_

 _John watched, a little jealous, as Dean squirmed out of his arms, leaping onto the bed. Sam was in his arms in a second._

 _"Ow, Sam! You hit me with your cast!"_

 _Sam had crawled onto Dean's back, his arms hanging down his front, the right in a big, ugly cast._

 _"You wanna sign it, Dean? Please?"_

 _"Hey, hey, Sammy." John stepped in and sat on the edge of the bed. "You have to calm down and rest, okay. Dean... come on. You know better. Let your brother rest."_

 _Dean looked sadly at his father but reached and put Sam back on the bed, kissing his temple._

 _"Night, Sammy."_

 _"Stay, Dean?"_

* * *

The door opened softly and the Doctor nodded at him. Dean looked at the floor and ignored the brief hand on his shoulder.

Dean paused for a moment and then he was in the room.

Sam stared at him, his eyes wide... frightened, confused and lost.

"Dean..." Sam's voice was choked and his eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry."

That was all it took... Dean was at his brothers bedside, two arms around his brothers neck, pulling him in to a hug.

"No, brother. I'm sorry."

"Stay here?"

Dean buried his head into Sam's shoulder.

"I'm not going anywhere. Ever."


	5. Promises and Lies

_Sorry for the delay and the shortness of the update... a lot going on in my world at the moment..._

 _I hope you enjoy- and not long until season 11- ENJOY!_

 _I do not own Supernatural. Not even a little bit. Sob._

 _Reviews make me :)_

* * *

Dean didn't know how long he held Sam for, softly speaking words he wasn't sure _he_ even believed.

The old lies.

 _Everything will be okay. Sleep now... everything will seem better in the morning, Sammy. I promise. This is nothing. I'm going to fix you up._

He deserved a freaking Oscar for the amount of times he had lied so convincingly.

He could feel Sam's shoulders shaking in his arms but his brother didn't make a sound. So Dean filled the empty silence with more lies, more promises, to at least try and convince himself that things weren't as bad as they seemed...

He remembered Bobby, being forced to a life in a chair... and the depression and excessive drinking which followed.

Hunters didn't respond well to be being trapped.

* * *

 _"Dean, when can we go out?"_

 _"Not yet. Not until Dad gets home."_

 _"But why?"_

 _"I told you. You have to stay safe."_

 _"Where is Dad?"_

 _"Working."_

 _"When will he be back?"_

 _"I don't know."_

 _"Dean?"_

 _"Yeah?_

 _"I wanna go outside..."_

 _Truth was, Dean's cabin fever had set in two hours before Sam's... but his Dad had told him under no circumstances to leave the motel. Looking after his brother simply went unsaid these days._

 _He didn't even know what city they were, let alone the name of the town._

 _"Deaaaaaan"_

 _"Sam! Shut the hell up!"_

* * *

"How can I be any use to you now?"

Dean's arms around Sam tightened.

"Never say that. Ever. You hear?"

"But it's true!" Sam's voice was high and choked. "Come on, Dean! I'm going to be a liability... you pushing me everywhere in a freaking chair? Not having your back?"

"Shut up. It's a flesh wound, you baby. You'll be back up on your feet in no time."

Sam scoffed. "I thought I was the one who is supposed to be in denial?"

Dean pulled away and stood up. "Yeah, well. We got Cas. He'll straighten you out."

"Yeah. Like you haven't asked him already? If he could fix me... I'd be fixed already. A walking freaking miracle."

"Then we go to somebody else who knows how!"

"Like who?" Sam's voice shook. "A demon? Crowley?"

"Sam! Shut the hell up!"

Sam looked at him, his face angry, his eyes filled with tears.

Dean stared back, keeping his stance as long as he could.

"Oh, Sammy."

Then Sam was back in his arms, sobbing... and Dean was back pulling him close, whispering lies and promises...

that he would give anything to be the truth.


	6. Happy Meal

**So, hands up who is happy to have season 11 on our screens? :P**

 **Hope you enjoy this update- and thank you, so, so much for the reviews :)**

 **I do not own Supernatural**

 **Reviews make me :)**

 **ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING**

* * *

 _"Ouch!"_

 _"Sam! I told you. Stop putting pressure on that ankle. It needs to stay elevated."_

 _"I'm bored."_

 _"Yeah, wanna be not bored? Count the holes in the wall"_

 _Sam flung himself dramatically back on the bed and let out a deliberately loud sigh. Dean stared at him._

 _"Dude! You get to laze around in bed all day. Enjoy it while you can. I'd kill for a day or two of doing absolutely nothing."_

 _Sam glared at his brother "The TV is ion the blink and there's not one book in this place."_

 _"Seriously? Not even the Bible?"_

 _"Does it look like the kind of place that would keep the Bible?"_

 _Dean rolled his eyes, feeling both annoyed and amused at his brother's restlessness. Sam was twelve and was already developing a smart attitude... and he was no good at being trapped. Or being told what to do._

 _"Has Dad been in touch?"_

 _Dean sighed. "No."_

 _"Figures."_

 _"Hey!" Dean's voice was sharp. "You know why. He'd be here if he could."_

 _"Yeah? He leave any food this time? Any money?"_

 _Dean didn't answer. Sam rolled over and faced the wall. Dean watched, a pang of helplessness running through him. He wished he could give Sam some good news. Jesus, he wished that their Dad would at least just give them a sign that he was alive._

 _"Hey!" Dean sat on the edge of the bed. "You're lucky you have an awesome big brother. Hit me. What do you want to eat? Anything in the world. Watch me- I'l get it."_

 _"McDonalds."_

 _"McDonalds" repeated Dean. How the hell could he swipe McDonalds?_

 _"That's what I want most in the world. Normal kids go all the time."_

 _"You got it" Dean grinned. "Can you hold tight for five minutes?"_

 _Sam raised an eyebrow. "Really? McDonalds?"_

 _"Yeah. Happy Meal, squirt?"_

 _He dodged the pillow- but only just._

* * *

Dean ran a hand over his eyes. He was back in the waiting room. The doctors were doing tests. When had he last slept, eaten, hell, done anything normal?

Always the same. Always the same focus. What else could he do?

The doctor was out quicker that he thought. He had been speaking to Sam... Dean was next to hear the results.

He stood up, towering over the doctor.

"Well?"

"Inconclusive."

Dean turned away... it was better than hitting the guy.

* * *

 _Dean approached the McDonalds, his stomach already rumbling at the smell elevating out the door._

 _He swiftly checked what he already knew. No way of swiping any food and running here... not unless he wanted to get locked in a deep fat fryer._

 _He sighed and dug into his pockets. $10. His birthday money._

 _He'd been saving it._

* * *

"Inconclusive? Meaning?"

"Meaning I don't want to speculate before another test is done."

Dean turned and faced the doctor.

"Oh, you're going to speculate... cause I need _something_ damn it."

The doctor sighed.

"There isn't any good news... but I would like to remind you..."

"...that it's inconclusive. Yeah. I know... so... this is... I mean it _could_ be permanent?"

"Quite possibly."

"Thanks for the detailed analysis."

"I told you..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay...so. Where do we go from here?"

* * *

 _"Hey, Sammy!"_

 _Sam was sat up in his bed, a huge smile filling his face._

 _"No way! Is that..."_

 _"A Big Mac. Yep. Like you wanted."_

 _Sam's face fell slightly. "You got me a Happy Meal?"_

 _"Na, dude. That's mine. I told you- Big Mac with extra fries and extra everything else for you, you little pig."_

 _Dean passed over the food and caught sight of his brother's face. Sam looked... ecstatic. God, a kid shouldn't be so happy about a McDonalds... it shouldn't be such an unlikely concept._

 _"Here. No plates. I can't be bothered to wash up tonight."_

 _Sam took a huge bite from the burger, ketchup immediately spreading across his face. Dean sat on the end of the bed, opening his Happy Meal. Geez, they didn't put much in the crappy box. Still, it was all he could afford and it was better than nothing._

 _"Dean?"_

 _"Hmm?"_

 _"Why did you get a Happy Meal?"_

 _Dean put a fry into his mouth. "You not heard? They're the latest thing. Just keeping with the times, bro."_

 _Sam stared at him for a while. He held out his burger._

 _"Here."_

 _Dean looked at him. "You don't want it?"_

 _"No."_

 _Sam had always been a bad liar._

 _"It's fine, Sammy. Eat up, yeah? I'm cool with this."_

 _Sam shuffled closer to his brother._

 _"Thanks, Dean."_

 _Dean grinned and ruffled his brothers hair. "You want the toy?"_

* * *

Dean stood outside the hospital waiting room.

 _"It's just a theory... there are no real answers yet, so don't stress..."_

Nothing sounded good. Nothing sounded positive.

Still... Sammy had been through worse, right?

A few days ago Dean would have killed for this... Sam may not be able to walk but he was _here_ and he was still _him._

And that meant _everything._

He just had to make Sam see it.

* * *

Sam had his eyes closed but Dean knew he wasn't sleeping.

"Hey."

Sam opened his eyes. They met Dean's.

"The doctor told you?" Sam's voice shook.

"He told me the results were inconclusive"

"And when you asked again?"

Dean didn't answer. Sam's eyes filled with tears and Dean watched, just for a second, as his little brother fought with his emotions.

"It would have just been easier..." Sam started and Dean was at his side, leaning over his brother.

"Don't you even think of finishing that sentence. Not to me. Ever. You hear me?"

Sam shook his head, his shoulders shaking as he tried to keep the tears at bay.

"Now... you listen to me, Sam. I want you to cry, scream at the walls, hit me, hell, leave a bruise... but you _don't give up._ Right?"

"But..."

"No. I ain't going anywhere. If it means I push you round for the rest of your life... then we better get thinking of some new nicknames, right?"

Sam gave a tiny smile and Dean, encouraged pulled his brother into a hug.

"Don't you give up. 'Cause I ain't."


	7. Let Me Help You

_Sorry for the delay- uni and life in general is a tad crazy at the mo..._

 _Thank you as ever for the reviews, they truly make my day :)_

 _I do not own Supernatural_

 _Reviews make me :)_

* * *

Sam was put immediately into physio therapy as soon as he was able to find the strength. Dean praised every twitch of his brother's big toe but Sam was disheartened and exhausted by each session.

"Sam, the doc says you're making the fastest recovery he's ever seen."

"Not fast enough"

"I'm proud of you man"

"Of what?"

"Of how far you've come!"

Sam gave a forced laugh and stared out the small window.

Dean watched his brother. Sam had been distant and reluctant for his help. Or even the doctors help.

"Let me help you, man." Dean said quietly.

If Sam heard him, he didn't acknowledge it.

* * *

 _Dean had known he was going to die._

 _Nobody survived an attack like that. Nobody. The knife, the twist..._

 _He'd seen it before._

 _He also saw the pain in his brother's face and wished he would just get the hell out. He didn't want his brother to see this... and he didn't want him to get hurt in the process._

 _"Sam, you gotta get outta here before he comes back..."_

 _He was going to die in this corner- and he was going to die alone...because Metatron was not getting Sam._

 _Yet here was Sam, half lifting, half carrying him to a standing position._

 _He had had to let Sam try... he had to let him see that there was nothing he could do to stop the inevitable...so he walked.. as far as he could._

* * *

"Tell him, doc. Isn't my brother the champion of recovery?"

Sam threw him a look. _You're patronising me._

Dean stared back. _You're being stubborn._

The doctor smiled. "It's certainly a record since I've worked here."

Dean grinned proudly at Sam. His brother did not return his smile.

"So, next steps Doc?" Dean continued.

"Steps not being the operative word" Sam mumbled.

The doctor hesitated. Dean pretended he hadn't heard Sam and nodded for the doctor to continue.

"Well, Sam. If we continue with your exercises we could maybe see to sitting up in say a couple of weeks?"

"Excuse me if I don't cartwheel.. oh... but that would be a medical miracle, am I right?"

"Cut it out!" Dean said sharply.

The doctor gave a small smile. "I'll be around this afternoon if you have any more questions."

"Late for your lunch break?" Sam said.

The doctor raised her eyebrow and walked out wordlessly.

Dean turned to his brother.

"What the hell was that?"

Sam shrugged.

"Done with being polite."

"That's _my_ job!"

"Then, swap you, looks like you lucked out in the stakes!"

Dean swallowed. He wasn't sure if he felt more angry or sad at that remark.

Sam sighed deeply. "Listen, I didn't mean that... I'm just..."

"I would."

"What?"

"You know I would. I'd swap. Hell, I'd welcome it. Because you'd be so much better at this than me. You could stand here, be encouraging. Quote Oprah. I could be in that bed... mad as hell but..."

Sam was staring at his quilts.

"..but I'd be coping. Coping because you were there, still supporting my ass."

Sam lay back into the pillow, tears filling his eyes.

"I'm sorry." he whispered. "I'm just..."

"Scared?" Dean sat on the chair next to the bed "You and me both but... not as scared as I was a few days ago...we'll come out the other side, Sammy. I promise."

"I..." Sam's voice was choked now. "I just want to go home. I just want things to be back to normal."

"Normal?"

"Normal for us."

"I dunno, Sam. The hospital Spaghetti Special is starting to grow on me." Seeing that Sam was now crying softly, he put his hand behind Sam's head and pulled him in so that Sam's head rested on his shoulder.

"The other side, Sammy. We'll get there. I promise."

Sam clung to the front of Dean's shirt- and in that moment he allowed himself to be the little brother again.


	8. A Small Smile

_Thank you so, so much for the reviews :)_

 _I do not own Supernatural..._

 _I hope you all have a safe and happy Christmas :) xxx_

 _Reviews make me :)_

* * *

 _"Dean, Dean!"_

 _"Hey, squirt. I'm fine... I'm okay."_

 _"You're bleeding. Dean! You're bleeding!"_

 _"I'm fine, Sammy. I promise. Come on... we need to get out of here."_

 _The small boys widened in fright as Dean tried to rise up, only to fall back to the ground in barely disguised agony._

 _"Hey...hey buddy. Shhh. Listen... Can you see the phone box... the one we passed... a second ago."_

 _Sam was openly crying now but he gave a small nod._

 _"Good, Sammy. That's good. Now listen, listen carefully, I need you to go to it..."_

 _Sam let out a cry and Dean gently shushed him._

 _"Go to the phone box..."_

 _"Not without you!"_

 _"Look in my pocket... get whatever change you can find."_

 _Sam was sobbing noisy tears now. "N-no"_

 _"Sammy-shh- listen to me, buddy..."_

 _"N-no, shush Dean. I'm not leaving you."_

 _Dean studied his little brother's face. Sam was seven ... seven. No kid should be doing this. No kid should have to go through this shit._

 _"Sammy... I'm asking you this because I know you are super brave and super tough...right"_

 _A pause. And then a nod._

 _"Good boy. That's really great, Sam. Now, you go and ring uncle Bobby- the number is in my wallet- and you get him to come and get us. Okay? I can see the phone box from here- I'll watch you the whole time, I swear."_

 _Sam nodded, tears falling down his face. He let out a sniff and hugged his brother, carefully avoiding the wound in his big brother's side._

 _"Okay, bro. You ready?"_

 _A nod in his shoulder. Another sniff... and then off Sam went. Dean, as promised, barely blinked, watching the small boy, gloves hanging to his sleeves tottering away, stopping every so often to check he could still see his big brother._

 _Dean was thankful that Sam was far enough away not to see his own tears... and it had nothing to do with the pain._

* * *

"But if the bullet has been removed why is he not walking outta here?"

"It's removed... but not without damage."

"What kind of damage?"

"He's out of any kind of immediate danger."

"So I can take him home?"

"He can sit up now... So if you both feel ready, yes. Obviously we're on board with support"

"That won't be necessary"

"With all due respect sir, it will be."

Dean snorted. This guy didn't have a clue.

* * *

Sam had been eager to leave his hospital bed since the moment he had woken up. Yet now...

It was a big world. He knew that better than most.

Yet he'd always been able to defend himself- and his brother.

The moment the chair was wheeled in... the deeper he sank into the bed that he loathed so much.

He had resisted 'trying it out' as the cheerful nurse kept asking him. For a few days it sat in the corner of the room, filling him with a depression that he couldn't put his finger on. Even watching Dean fool about in it around the room didn't raise a smile. Just the thought of himself being reliant on it made him feel sick.

The day of his planned departure came round... and he was yet to sit in it.

Dean was in his room as usual, as soon as he was allowed. Sam had reluctantly got into his day clothes and was sat on the edge of bed. Dean was holding the chair with one arm, with his other outstretched towards Sam.

"Come on buddy. I want to help you but you're going to have to help me out a bit, okay?"

Sam could have been a stubborn five year old again, arms folded and determinedly not looking at the chair.

"Dude, what's the alternative? I'm not saying it's forever... but it's your ride out of here."

"To where?"

"To home."

"And do what?"

"Well, last I checked the bunker doesn't insist on a run around the place every morning... but it has everything else"

"Like what? Netflix?"

A silence fell between the two- and then Sam sighed and accepted Dean's arm.

"Okay, atta boy, hang on, let me help you, bro."

Dean put an arm around Sam, gave a subtle shake of the head at the nurse to indicate she shouldn't help and half carried, half dragged Sam into the chair.

Sam winced and half-fell into the chair. He breathed harshly as though he had ran a long way.

Dean gave a small smile- "Don't worry, Sammy. We'll work on a smoother landing next time."

Sam didn't return the smile.


	9. Scream if you wanna go faster

_A very short update, I'm sorry- but I wanted to give you something for New Year :)_

 _Thank you for the reviews. They make me smile and give me the strength to write. THANK YOU XXX_

 _I do not own Supernatural._

 _HAPPY NEW YEAR... ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING_

 _Ellie xxx_

* * *

It had seemed Sam had wanted to sink into his chair the same way he had done his bed. He didn't want the glances, the double takes. Their father had taught them to be invisible for most of their lives and he was most comfortable being so.

Dean had kidded around, as Sam knew he would do. As they were leaving the hospital, he jumped on the back of the wheelchair and yelled, "Scream if you wanna go faster!". Before almost being thrown off. Sam leant behind, grabbing his brother before he could fall flat on his face.

Dean tripped but steadied himself. He let out a long laugh- "See, Sammy? Who is still saving who?"

Sam gave a small smile. Encouraged, Dean got behind the wheelchair again, pushing faster then was probably appreciated in hospitals.

"So- straight home or bar and a strip club first? I hear the chicks dig a guy with wheels."

"Uh-huh."

"Franklin?"

"Funny."

"Seriously, wanna stop off somewhere first?"

Sam stared at him. "Can't we just go home?"

Dean's smile momentarily faulted but he nodded. "Sure. You got it. Home it is."

* * *

 _Had Sam been a needy kid?_

 _Maybe a little... but when a kid was depending on his brother, who was no more than a kid himself, it was allowed._

 _"Hey, kiddo. Brought you a Burger King."_

 _"Dean always gets McDonald's."_

 _"Well, you scored lucky tonight, Sammy! Burger King mega meal- with extra fries!"_

 _"Dean knows I don't like Burger King."_

 _John had been envious and even angry at first. Even though he knew he should be counting his lucky stars._

 _Sam had loved school. He had always brought home glowing reports [Dean's would go missing somewhere between school and whatever motel they were at.] The only trouble John had with Sam on that front was the tears when they had to leave yet another city and enroll again at yet another school._

 _John didn't see everything else though. The nightmares, the midnight hugs, the days and days of not knowing if their father was alive or not..._

 _So what did their father expect when he arrived back from another trip? For Sam to run to him with problems? Dean was the problem solver... the hugger, the hand-holder._

 _John was just an added bonus. The prize in the freaking Happy Meal._

* * *

Dean didn't know what he had been hoping for.

A celebration? Some drinks? A bit of the old Sam back?

Instead Sam had wheeled himself to his room, shrugging off offers of help and hadn't reappeared since.

Dean sipped at his cold beer, his eyes glancing frequently towards the door.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he reached for it.

He frowned. It was from Sam.

 _Can you come to my room?_

Dean sprang up, balancing his beer on his knee and then on to the table, sprinting towards Sam's bedroom.

"Sam?" he opened the door without knocking.

And his heart broke.


	10. As Always

**_You lovely lot with your lovely words- THANK YOU!_**

 ** _I'm so happy you are enjoying the story_**

 ** _I do not own Supernatural..._**

 ** _Reviews make me :)_**

* * *

 _Dean had struggled more than John when Sam went to Stanford._

 _John managed to disguise his sincere concern by masking it with his anger he felt towards Sam._

 _The disloyalty. The hypocrisy..._

 _Dean was angry too- at John most of all- but mainly because he was scared. Scared of not being there to have Sam's back. It was all he'd ever known. He tried to reassure himself that Sam was safer in a dorm room than sat in the Impala...but he still would feel better having Sam in eye sight. It was all he had ever known._

 _Whenever Dean brought up his brother John was quick to change the subject. It wasn't so much because it was too painful but because he needed his son's mind to be on the job at hand. Anything else could lead to... God knows what. Distraction was a dangerous thing and at the moment, that's all Sam was._

 _Man, he'd screwed up._

 _Father of the year? Sam had once made him a badge saying that in kindergarten._

 _He kept it in the front pocket of the Impala. Just to pretend sometimes._

* * *

"Sammy. Oh God, Sammy."

Sam was on his knees, his arms on the bed, his wheelchair on its side.

"Sam...why didn't you yell?"

"I did... I tried."

Dean looked at Sam's red rimmed eyes and wondered how long his brother had been in this state.

"Hey, listen, bro. We knew this would take some getting used to..."

"How about you just help me up?"

"Yeah..yeah... hold on."

Dean knelt down and placed his arms around Sam's waist.

"The bed or the chair?"

"The chair..."

"Okay, put your arms around my shoulders."

Sam managed to turn and place his arms around Dean.

"This was easier when you were three" quipped Dean.

Carefully placing Sam into the chair, he began to back away, only for Sam to leave his arms around his brother, pulling him into a hug.

"Thanks, Dean"

Dean, taken aback for a second, returned the hug.

"Hey...you got it, man. Anytime... you know that."

"I've been a dick."

"It's allowed."

"You didn't deserve it, you've... you've been awesome."

Dean pulled away. "Ah, come on man. No chick flick... you'd do the same for me."

"Wanna wheel me to a beer?"

"Hey" Dean winked. "Do I look like your slave? You can wheel yourself, lazy ass."

Sam actually full on laughed which made Dean grin.

"Fine... hey. At least you're taller than me for once. Must be doing incredible things for your ego."

"You pipe down, little brother." Dean got behind the chair. "Beer is a-calling."

* * *

 _John had always wondered what people must have thought of him._

 _Never being at school plays, parents evenings, end of year assemblies..._

 _Either they just wouldn't happen or Dean would go. Sometimes he thought it would be nice... but then so was sleeping slightly more soundly at night._

 _Still, Dean would tell him about them on the long car journeys... and he would listen to Dean go through Sam's lines with him...with pride and jealousy consuming him in equal measure._

 _And when his head finally hit the pillow, he had to believe that the choices he had to make were the right ones... and for now he would ignore Dean sitting up in the front room, phone out, beer in hand, no doubt checking up on Sam._

 _As always._

 _And thank God for that._


	11. Comfortable

_Thank you so much for the reviews :)_

 _I do not own Supernatural_

 _Reviews make me :)_

* * *

Sam was, at the very least, much more comfortable.

Maybe too comfortable.

Every morning, around ten, Dean would help Sam get dressed, get him into his chair and then wheel him into the living space for daytime television, sometimes shaken up with Netflix.

After Sam protesting not wanting the latter to happen, two weeks in, Dean was surprised to find Sam more than content than ever with the arrangement. Maybe even happy with it.

He hadn't ventured outside at all.

Dean hadn't seen a problem in it at first. In fact he quite enjoyed spending chilled time with his brother for once without him pounding on his Ipad or buried in a book.

Yet, as the days increased, so did Dean's worry.

Sam and procrastination didn't go well together. Even when Sam was a kid, Dean needed to create some kind of project to keep him happy and to stop him from moping. Not an easy task sometimes when they were kids waiting in yet another motel- but Dean usually found some kind of activity.

* * *

 _"I'm tellin' ya, Sammy. I had a chocolate bar on the side but it's gone. Almost as though someone has hidden it somewhere in this room..."_

 _Sam's eyes glinted. "What kind of chocolate bar?"_

 _"I can't quite remember... but I think it's the Hersey's milk chocolate one..."_

 _"Seriously?"_

 _"Pretty sure bro."_

 _"Well...where did it go?"_

 _"Ahhhh, now that's the question Sammy. Could be anywhere."_

 _"We need to find it!"_

 _"Ahh, well you see Sam, I have to do some important work for Dad- so I guess someone else will have to find it"_

 _"Me! I'll find it!"_

 _"All by yourself? I dunno Sam..."_

 _"Yep, yep, yep!"_

 _"Well, off you go then. Go find it."_

 _"Okay!"_

 _Dean smiled as Sam ran off out of the bedroom. He looked around. This was an extra crummy motel. He heard Sam pushing bags aside and sighed. He wished he could do more. Still, he estimated it would take around twenty minutes for Sam to find the bar and that was twenty minutes of having a happy kid on his hands._

 _"Dean?" Sam yelled_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"If I find it, can I eat it?"_

 _"Finders keepers Sammy"_

 _"Yes!"_

 _Dean let his head fall on the sofa headrest. He picked up one of Sam's old comics._

 _"Hey Dean?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"Don't worry. You can have half."_

* * *

Dean glanced at Sam. He was watching a re-run of White Collar, beer in one hand and a panini in the other.

Dean knew he should be happy to see his brother so content but he had really expected Sam to resist- put up some kind of fight against such a mundane day to day life.

"Hey, Sam?"

"Mmm?" Sam's eyes didn't even flicker from the screen.

"Heard anything about any cases? Seems very quiet on that front. Makes me nervous."

"Urm, no. Not really."

"Bit odd."

"Mmm."

"You been checking?"

"Have _you_?"

Dean grimaced. "Would that mean be checking the World Wide Web?"

"It's just like porn, dude. You just type something else in the search engine."

"Ha-di-ha-ha. I leave all the techno stuff to you, Steve Jobs."

"Yeah, well."

Dean tried to smile as he opened a beer.

"So, you ain't been checkin', huh?"

Sam's eyes didn't even try and meet his.

"Not really. No."

"Oh."

"Thought I was supposed to be resting?"

"You are... you are."

"So am I getting a red slip for not giving in my homework?"

"First time for everything. I invented the red slip, dude. Don't forget that. You wanna slack? So slack."

Sam shifted in his chair. "I'm not slacking... I'm resting."

"So you said."

"It's what you told me to do."

"Since when have you ever done what I have told you to do?"

Sam looked back at Dean, frustrated.

"Fine. Pass me my lap-top."

Dean rose an eyebrow. "Not enough to do it just because I ask, Sammy."

Sam slammed his breaks off angrily. As he turned he misjudged the speed and slammed into the corner of the table. He screamed in frustration.

"See?! _This_ is why I don't want to go out. _This_ is why I haven't looked for a case."

Dean moved to help Sam but Sam put his hand up, backed up and left the room.


	12. Gimme

_Firstly, my lovely lovely readers- I am sorry for the lack of updates. i doubt people can even remember what is going on!_

 _Basically my personal life got crazy, uni work was/is through the roof- but I didn't forget about the SPN family and the story :)_

 _So, I WILL be getting back to this story [I promise] and hear is a very small [sorry] update for you to prove it._

 _Always Keep Fighting lovely people!_

 _Ellie xx_

* * *

Sam wheeled himself over to where Dean was sitting, engrossed in old files.

"Case."

"Huh?"

"A case. I found a case."

Dean stared at him. "A case? Really?"

"You asked."

"I didn't ask...I suggested."

Sam raised his eyebrow.

"It's all it was, Sam. A suggestion...a concern."

"Uh-huh."

"It's true. If you wanted to toss all this in... well, i'd be the first to hand you a beer."

"Yeah, right."

"It's true. If that's what you really wanted."

Sam gave a cough that sounded very much like, 'Stanford.'

Dean gave him a long look. "Come on, man. Seriously?"

Sam gave a small smile. "No."

"I thought you were over Stanford."

"I am."

"Then why bring it up?"

"Felt like pissing you off."

Dean gave the most sincere smile he had given in days.

"Well, mission accomplished, brother."

Sam smiled. "Case?"

Dean held out his hand for the lap-top. "Gimme."

….


End file.
